Gerrard Lim's Liverpool Diary

If You Think I Have a Funny/ Silly Name...

2009-09-11T22:35:00.000+08:00

I get a lot of stick because of my name...especially from Manure fans. WTF? What's wrong with naming myself after my idol, the great Steven Gerrard? At least it is not as laughable as, say, Berbatov Singh, rite?

Anyway, I told myself that the best remedy when someone's making fun of you is to look for someone else for YOU to make fun of. So that's exaclty what I did. I Googled for footballers with funny names for you to laugh at so that you will not laugh at me.

There's one condition though, I only look for footballers with funny first name, not surname. Because, well, it's not your fault if your family name is Shittu or Kuntz, right? And it could also be wee bit racist to laugh at one's surname. First names though, IMHO, is fair game.

Here I bring you the Top Ten Funnyballers:

1. Creedence Clearwater Couto (Brazilian forward in Belgian League)

Named after his parents favourite band presumably. Well, at least he's lucky his parents were not that into Pink Floyd

2. Limited Chikafa (Zimbabwean forward, plays for Zimbabwean club, Caps Utd)

Limited in what way, I wonder?

3. Laughter Chilembe (Zambian midfielder, Caps Utd)
LOL, literally.

4. Danger Fourpence (Zimbabwean defender, Caps Utd)
Walked right out of a James Bond flick

5. Wonderful Peperere (Zimbabwean goalkeeper, Highlanders FC)
I can only imagine the commentary after he makes a brilliant save..."Wonderful save from Wonderful".

6. Progress Musepa (Zimbabwean defender, Masvingo Utd)

7. Godbless Asamoah (Ghanian forward, Kessben FC)

Amen...

8. Daddy Bazueya (Nigerian midfielder, Enyimba International FC)
Who's your daddy?

9. Thankgod Amaefule (Nigerian midfielder, Sharks FC)

10. Two-Boys Gladstone Gumede (South African forward, now in US)
Haha...'nuff said

Reaction To Chelsea's Transfer Ban

2009-09-07T15:18:00.000+08:00

OMG! Looks like somebody's really pissed at Chelsea's transfer ban...

Steven Gerrard: A "True Blue" Liverpool Supporter

2009-09-05T01:48:00.000+08:00

OMG...I am sure all of you have read about the Chelsea transfer ban debacle. (And the best thing is...Manure might be next...ROTFL!) Anyway, I think the blame shouldn't be put solely on the football clubs. Of course, I am NOT saying that the clubs are not guilty, but the players themselves should have more integrity and loyalty. But sadly, nowadays, most footballers are like modern day mercenaries...they leave at the first sniff of big bucks (read: Ronaldo - greasy haried; not fatty one, Adebayor, Tevez, Barry etc.)

It is very hard to find loyal footballers. And for that Liverpool are fortunate. They have two players in Gerrard and Carragher who would give their ~~dives~~ lives away for Liverpool. Especially Gerrard, a true Liverpool fan from his early days. I was thrilled when I stumbled upon a cute photo of young Gerrard posing with some Liverpool silverware (I think it's the Charity Shield and old Division One Championship trophy).

P.S - strange, I didn't know Liverpool ever had a blue kit...hmmm

International Football Week

2009-09-04T01:34:00.000+08:00

Sigh...No EPL matches this week due to International friendlies. Well, at least I will get to see Steven Gerrard in action against Slovenia. Go Gerrard!!!Go Three Lions!!!

Here's a video of Gerrard playing for England. The title says it all: "ENGLAND'S BEST PERFORMER!!!"

I am Broke!!!

2009-09-03T02:08:00.000+08:00

Shit! Recently, I lost a RM500 bet to one of my college mate, Brian. Since I do not have enough money to pay yet, I have decided to stay away from him. As luck would have it, I stumbled into him in the toilet this morning.

I told him my predicament. Thankfully, he was quite reasonable. He accepted a downpayment of RM45 (my pocket money for the week!!!) and gave me up to next week to pay up...I am gonna look for a part time job from tomorrow onwards.

Btw, I have finally decided to create a Facebook account. Please add me as a friend. Looking forward to meeting you on Facebook. Here's the link to my account:

Gerrard Lim!

Futsal Tuesdays!

2009-09-01T19:54:00.001+08:00

I am knackered. I just got back from my weekly Futsal game. It's pretty frustrating when your team sucks. We lost again...7 - 2.

I scored both my team's goal and set up a couple of of chances for Farid, but unfortunately, his finishing was as good as Berbatov (LOL). The scoreline would have been at least more respectable if he were to convert those chances.

The team looked depressed after the game. Being a good team captain (a trait I picked up from Gerrard), I went over to comfort them (although I was furious at their poor performance tonight...especially the defenders).

"'Rite...good game lads. As Bill Shankly would've said..a team tha..."

"Shut the hell up la, Gerrard!" Farid cut me off.

"Oi...you should respect your Captain ok??"

"KNN...CCB!!!Since when you the captain?" Fei Chai (Fatty) Leong, our goalkeeper hollered.

"Fuckers...at least I scored two goals OK??!! What bout the rest of you fucktards?? Niamah...can't even defend properly" I was seething at that moment, nearly punched Leong in his fat face.

"Niamah...WTF? You were "marking" their goalie the whole game...we had to cover for you OK!"

"It's strategy you idio..."

Rajan kicked the ball at me.

"Pundek...strategy my arse la...go fuck off la. Next time we'll get Bobby in the team la...even the sissy play better than you!!!"

Fuck it...I got no time to argue with low lifes...I will find myself a new team next week.

I guess I can somehow emphatise with Adebayor now. How the hell can you stay motivated when your team does not appreciate you...

You guys better watch out next week...I will be back.

I Got Spammed By An A-Hole

2009-08-31T16:22:00.001+08:00

I was looking forward to a nice Merdeka morning today. I was about to go down to my local Mamak stall for a Roti Kosong and Teh Tarik when I decided to check my e-mail:

From: RoyKeane16 [mailto:gloryglorymanutd@hotmail.com]

Sent: Monday, August 31, 2009 3:46AM

To: Gerrard Lim [mailto:xxxxxx@gmail.com

Subject: nice joke to perk up your morning

----------------------------------------------------------------

Hey Loser!

Here's a joke for you:

A Liverpool fan went to his Doctor. 

Pool fan: Doctor! Doctor! My arse is talking!

Doctor: What does it say?

Pool fan bends over.

Arse: Liverpool will win the Premier League this season!

Doctor: Ahh...not to worry. A lot of arses say this nowadays...

Regards,

The Red Devil

Fuck!!! Who the hell is the Red Devil??!! Fucker!!! I wasted 3 hours googling for Manure jokes to reply to this anonymous wanker.

I bet it's Adrian...bitch!

MERDEKA

2009-08-30T23:28:00.001+08:00

Gerrard Lim wishes every Malaysian a Happy 52nd National Day.

We have come a long way...but the journey has only just begun. Here's to a wonderful year (and years and years and years) ahead.

Now if only we can find a way to get rid of all those corny patriotic songs. In the future, can't we just commission them to bands such as Meet Uncle Hussain, Pop Shuvit, et al?

Gerrard's Wonder Goal & Diaby's Idiotic "Winner"

2009-08-30T14:45:00.000+08:00

OMGWTF!!!

Steven Gerrard bounced back with a wonder strike against hapless Bolton!!!I think I shed a tear when the ball hit the net. What a stunner!!!

It could have been a glorious weekend for Liverpool but Abou "Idiot" Diaby had to gift a goal to the Mancs!!! WTF!!!idiot!!!

On another note, I have been able to avoid Brian in the past week. But I really need to raise RM500 quick! I am thinking of getting a part time job....

OR....perhaps I should just make another bet with Brian, instead?

Please Ignore the Previous Post!!!

2009-08-29T22:02:00.000+08:00

OMG!!! HELP!!! How do I delete a post in Blogger!!?? Can someone please help me??!!

SHIT!!! I embedded a wrong video in the post.

This is the correct video of Eduardo diving...if you are still interested.

Say No To Diving!!!

2009-08-29T21:13:00.000+08:00

There's been quite a debate going on these past few days about diving in football, It all started from the Eduardo diving incident. The stupid cunt dived to earn ARSEnal a penalty and a place in the Champions League group stage.

This diving debacle is nothing new. Ronaldo has been diving for the past 4-5 seasons and nothing can be done to stop it. IMHO, the FA should not only punish the players with a 2-3 match ban, their teams should have points deducted as well.

Check out the video of Eduardo diving...it says it all...disgusting wanker!!!

My Bolton vs Liverpool Prediction

2009-08-29T20:36:00.000+08:00

Bolton 0 - 3 Liverpool

Liverpool will bounce back with an emphatic victory against Bolton. i predict that my hero, Steven Gerrard will score all three goals (hat-trick!!!) after the words of encouragement from Rafa Benitez.

~~~ YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE ~~~

Liverpool 1 - 3 Aston Villa :-(

2009-08-26T05:44:00.000+08:00

OMG!!!This is bad news. I have decided to stay in bed today. Told mum that I am coming down with a fever; but I think I am falling into depression....first Emily, now Aston Villa. I slept until noon today. My mum woke me up for lunch.

She told me that my mobile phone was ringing non stop the whole morning. I checked my phone after lunch. 21 missed calls!!! "Who could it possibly be?" I wondered as I checked the call list....BRIAN TAN!!! OMG!!! I just remembered about that stupid bet!!!

Fuck!!!

Easiest 500 Bucks Ever!!!

2009-08-24T07:30:00.000+08:00

Suckers are born every minute. It's true!!!

I just made a bet with my friend, Brian Tan. The idiotic ARSEnal fan has been babbling about his team's form and style of play and bla, bla, bla. That I can take; but this morning he went too far!

He called Liverpool boring!!?? I mean WTF? Chelski is boring! Liverpool is NOT boring! They are one of the most exciting football team in Europe!! I told him that after the setback (loss at Tottenham HotSpuds), Liverpool will take the Premier League by storm this season.

Then stupid Brian said with a sneer "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?"

So I responded "Why don't YOU put your money where your mouth is?! Let's make a bet! I say Liverpool will beat Aston Villa by a two goal margin! 500 bucks!!"

I couldn't believe my ears when Brian said "OK loser...you are on."

LOL!!! Let's see who the loser is when you part with RM500, loser!!!

I am thinking of getting a second hand PSP with the money...can hardly wait for the match to start!!!

Heartbroken :'-(

2009-08-21T14:19:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it!!! I found Adrian all right...

He was walking out of Starbucks with Emily...

...HOLDING HANDS!!!

WTF!!!

How can my angel be holding hands with that idiot??!! I can't believe it...my love is gone just like that :(((((((((

Sigh...I am watching LIVERPOOL'S BEST 100 GOALS to console myself....I just have to remember to fast forward every Michael Owen goal...still can't believe he joined the Manure shithole...

Liverpool 4 - 0 Stoke!!! Burnley 1 - 0 Manure!!!!!!

2009-08-21T03:00:00.000+08:00

YES!!!YES!!!YES!!!Liverpool bounced back from the unjust defeat to the Spuds convincingly!!!Read the match report here:

Liverpool 4 - 0 Stoke City

And the icing on the cake...MANURE lost to Burnley!!!!LMAO!!!ROTFL!!!

I can't wait to see Adrian today. I sent him an SMS but he did not reply. I bet he's in hiding because his stupid team lost. I will be wearing my Liverpool jersey to class today.

I really can't wait to see Adrian today!!! Finally!!! My turn to laugh at him...

~~~~~YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE~~~~~

Tottenham 2 - 1 Liverpool

2009-08-17T17:30:00.000+08:00

OMG!!!WTF!!!Did you guys watch the game??? The referee screwed us over!!! We should have won!!!Or at least draw!!!It was clearly a blantant handball!!!How can that not be a penalty!!!This is a bloody conspiracy!!!The referee must be a Manure fan!!!

THIS IS DEPRESSING!!!ESPECIALLY AFTER MANURE AND CHELSKI GOT THEIR LUCKY WINS!!!~!

Bad Day...Very Bad Day

2009-08-15T13:30:00.000+08:00

It was supposed to be a very good day today. It was a Friday after all, with the weekend just around the corner...the weekend that English Premier League finally kicks off!

I was wearing my brand new Liverpool away jersey (this one's complete with TORRES 9 at the back) which my mum got for my birthday last month. I was feeling rather smug; especially when I noticed people were checking out my top. I guess not many people have had a chance to see it first hand yet. It is definitely a whole lot nicer than the fugly Manure jersey that Adrian wore last week.

As I strode into class, I couldn't help but to notice Adrian's astonished face. Green with envy...or is it? For suddenly, he let out a big guffaw.

"Hey guys! Guys! Check out Gerrard's jersey...it says CALRSBERG!" Within a matter of seconds, the whole class was on to me like a pack of hyenas.

"Where the hell did you get that jersey from, Gerrard? The pasar malam???" Adrian hollered.

"Fuck off Adrian! It's original...I got it from Kitbag.com" I lied.

At that very moment, our lecturer, Mr Arumugam stepped into the classroom. I scampered all the way to the back of the classroom as I frantically texted my mum:

OMG!!!MUM WHR DID U GET MY JERSEY FROM??!!

GOT IT FROM THE SPORTS SHOP NEAR SOGO.Y?

OMG!!!I DONT THINK ITS ORIGINAL!!!SHIT!!!SHIT!!!

ITS ORIGINAL DEAR. THE GUY AT THE SHOP SAID SO. NO DISCOUNTS 2 BCOS ITS THE LATEST DESIGN. I PAID RM50 4 IT.  

ARGHHHHH!!!!NOOO!!!

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Let's see if you are so happy when Birmingham beat the Manure scums! Asshole!

I Think I am in Love...

2009-08-13T04:25:00.000+08:00

Emily looks very pretty today. Something about her is different today. I think she did something with her hair. Then, as we were leaving the class today, our eyes met. I held her gaze for what seems like an eternity...then I smiled. She returned my smile with a sweet little "Hello" before disappearing down the hallway.

I think I am in love....

New Girl in Class

2009-08-05T09:50:00.000+08:00

There's this new girl in class today. Her name is Emily. Rumours were flying around that she is a part-time model; she definitely looks the part...in fact, she would be a supermodel in my books! All eyes were on her today...especially Shirley's - the hottest girl (or should I say ex hottest girl) in class.

You should see the look on Shirley's face. If looks could kill, Emily would've been a bloody piece of red pulp by now. Hahaha...serves you right, you stuck up Ah Lian bitch! No guys to fawn over you anymore. Not so high and mighty now, huh?

Adrian was being an ass-clown as usual (what else can you expect from a Manure fan?). He was trying on stupid pick up lines on Emily; "Your daddy must be a terrorist cos you da bomb"...lame. If I were him, I'd use something less juvenile, someting more eloquent...such as "If you were a library book, I'd check you out!".

After five minutes of his idiocy, Emily scowled at him and told him to pipe down. Serves him right...the girl's definitely got class.

Adrian is a Bastard

2009-07-17T11:46:00.000+08:00

I can't stand the sight of Adrian. He is nothing but bad news. Today is another example. I was minding my own business in the computer lab when he came in with his Manure scum posse - Vijay and Zainol. As he walked past, he kicked my chair and called me a "Scouse Bastard".

So I hollered back, "Fuck you! You are the scouse bastard."

Instead of retaliating, all three of them cackled hysterically.

"You don't even know what Scouse means, do you!?" Zainol enquired in between giggles.

"Of course I do, idiots. Leave me alone, you scouser bastards!" I stormed away from the lab as the idiots started laughing for the second time.

After a while, my curiousity got the better of me. I returned to the computer lab when the coast is clear. I Googled for "Scouse Bastard" and found this...

Scouse Bastard

OMG!!!SHIT!!!FUCK!!!MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF!!BLOODY MANURE SCUMS!!!

Old Friends...

2009-07-06T06:34:00.000+08:00

I was walking back from the mamak stall when I heard a shout from behind.

"Owen! Hey Owen!"

I froze. It was a very familiar voice. Suddenly there was a pat on my shoulder. I turned around. It was one of my best friend from high school, Robert Koh.

"Oi Owen Lim Seng Kuan! I knew it was you! You don't remember me ah? Robert la...from high school." A wide smile was plastered on his chubby face.

"Err...Hi Robert. How are you? Long time no see."

"Why you look so sad, Owen? Not happy to see me?" His stupid smile was getting wider by the seconds.

"Err...My name is Gerrard now. Gerrard Lim." I stammered.

"Huh? WTF? You changed your name ah? Why la?" His mouth now agape.

"Err...nothing la. Just..err...I got bored...Anyway...haha...Gerrard sounds better, right?"

Sigh...How am I going to explain to him? He would not understand it even if I did...How the fuck could Michael Owen do this to me???

Michael Owen joins Man Utd

Fuck you Michael Owen!!!